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You’re sitting at the table listening to the conversation when your cell phone buzzes. You had turned off the ringer to silence your phone but you now know there’s something VERY IMPORTANT that demands your attention.
Maybe your phone buzzed for an urgent email, text message, Facebook post or tweet. You don’t know unless you check your phone. You may be feeling a strong case of #FOMO: Fear of Missing Out.
What can it hurt to take a second to check your phone?
While you may think that a quick check of your phone isn’t rude, your companions probably disagree, even if they do the same thing. A recent study of cell phone use by the Pew Research Center found that the majority of US adults think checking your phone is rude in certain situations.
Only 5% of Americans felt that checking your cell phone during a meeting is acceptable and only 12% approve of checking your cell phone during a family dinner, according to the study. “Americans think that when people focus on their phones instead of their companions, it hurts the group in which they are participating.”
The offense comes from people feeling ignored and from people who use their cell phones behaving badly. People using their phones may talk too loudly or share personal information without regard for others hearing them.
➯ See, The Cell Phone Challenge: Are You Brave Enough?
When and where you use your cell phone leaves an impression on the people around you. “Norms of etiquette are not just small-scale social niceties. They affect fundamental human interactions and the character of public spaces,” the study says.
Anti-social or Social?
Using your phone can have both a social and anti-social effect. When you’re using your phone to connect with others and plan get-togethers you’re being social. When you’re using your phone in the presence of others you may be acting anti-social.
Most people don’t realize they’re being anti-social when they’re using their phone around others. According to the study, “anti-social behavior itself is rarely a primary motivator. At the same time, those around the cellphone user may still experience that other person’s phone use as anti-social, even if that was not the explicit intention of the user.”
About 3/4 of US adults view using cell phones in public as acceptable when using public transit, waiting in line, and walking down the street. But the majority of US adults disapprove of cell phone use at the dinner table, in movie theaters, meetings and places of worship.
It’s Different for Me
While the majority of Americans agree on the etiquette of cell phone usage, most don’t seem to recognize the problem begins with them. 89% of people surveyed said that they had used their cell phones during the most recent social gathering they attended.
But Everyone’s Doing It
If you’re one of the 89% of people who used your phone during your last social gathering, you probably weren’t doing it alone. 86% of people surveyed said that someone else used a phone at the most recent social gathering they attended.
People use their phones at social events to share with others something that happened at the event, share a photo from the event, get information to share with others at the event, and to disengage from the group. The study found that “82% of all adults (not just cell owners) say that when people use their cellphones at social gatherings, it at least occasionally hurts the conversation and atmosphere of the gathering.”
You can read the entire study at the Pew Research website: Americans’ Views on Mobile Etiquette, by Lee Rainie and Kathryn Zickuhr, Pew Research Center, Washington, DC (August 26, 2015).
Your Thoughts
Do you use your cell phone when you’re around others? Did you use your cell phone at your last social engagement? Were other people using their phones too? Have people ever been rude to you when they have used their cell phones?
Share your thoughts in the Comments section below!
* Comic image (edited) courtesy of jesadaphorn via Freedigitalphotos.net
** Cell Phone Sign image courtesy of Jeff Moriarty via Flickr
*** Meeting photo courtesy of FIRSTonline via Pixabay
Using your phone during all kinds of social events have gotten soooo out of hand, it’s insane. I try to leave my phone in my pocket, when doing anything social – the phone can wait..
Hi Maria, Great idea to wait until you’re alone to check your phone. That’s the best way to be sure that your attention is focused on the people you’re with instead of on your phone.
SO true! Thanks for the reminder. To sum it up: When you pick up your phone while in someone else’s company you are sending the message that, in that moment, they are not as important to you as whatever trivial info you just received on your phone. We all do it. We should all mind our manners and give our full attention to the people (or traffic!) in front us. I already shared this… hopefully the delivery of my post does not interupt any good conversations over coffee. If it does, hopefully it will be a timely reminder to put the phone down!
Hi Lisa, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! You’re exactly right. We may not realize the message we’re sending when we pick up our phone in the middle of a social situation. We may think no one will be offended but then realize it’s rude when someone does it to us.
The people we’re with deserve our full attention so we should wait until we’re alone to check our phones.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Lisa!
Hi Carolyn,
It’s good to be back, and especially over at your blog after a gap my friend. 🙂
Love this topic of discussion, as it’s something we are teaching our kids ever since they were young teens. Yes, basic manners over how to use your cell phone are required, just as the infographic says, though there could be exceptions all over.
Speaking of ourselves, we take our calls privately by excusing ourselves from our social gatherings for a second or so and never call after 10 P.M. 🙂 But yes, many people do as it’s usually when everyone is back home and perhaps the youngsters are all the more lively that time of the hour!
‘But everyone’s doing it’ – the famous words! I hear my kids say it too, and then they need to be explained that we do what falls within the line.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
Hi Harleena, So wonderful to have you back after your summer break! The Internet just isn’t the same without you. I’m glad you had a chance to take a rest and work on your sites behind the scenes.
You’re right, “but everybody’s doing it” is often heard but not really an excuse. I was surprised at how universal the belief is that using a cell phone at a meeting or at the dinner table isn’t acceptable. But most of us are doing exactly what we consider rude for others to do!
This study really was a fascinating lesson for us to see that using our cell phones in social situations really is annoying to others.
Thanks so much for you comment and for sharing this article, Harleena.
Hi ma’am
You remind me of it, It happens with me at times LOL. I have a bad habit of carrying my phone everywhere. I don’t keep my phone idle for even a second, and my mother gets angry me over it especially when we sit for a meal and I used to play and talk with my friends over the phone.
This is a very rude thing by me and if the same anybody else does around me, then I would probably do the same as my mother does.
Thanks for sharing this ma’am
Mohit
Hi Mohit, You’re not alone. The exact behavior we consider rude when others do it is what we’re doing ourselves. We truly do have a double standard for others versus ourselves. This study holds a mirror up for us so we can see what we’re doing in the eyes of others.
Knowing that most people consider it rude to use a phone in a social situation, we may then decide to wait until we’re alone before pulling out our phone.
Thanks for adding to the conversation, Mohit.
Checking your phone during a meeting or dinner seems rude alright but the purpose of carrying a phone is for you to be easily contacted in case of emergency and for that purpose alone, answering phone during a meeting or dinner is not rude but the problem is how will you know if it is emergency or not without looking at it right?
Hi Gilbert, You’re right, there may be times that you need to check your phone because you really are expecting a very important call, text or email. You may want to explain to the people you’re with that this is an unusual situation.
I do like wearing a smart watch so I can get important notifications without pulling out my phone. A smart watch lets me stay on top of situations without appearing rude.
Hi Carolyn,
I don’t find it annoying anymore, on the other hand I guess it depends on how many times they are checking their phones and how much time they are using. I don’t do it much anymore. I have my phone on silent mode, since I’m using the Fitbit and it vibrates when someone calls. I can look at the Fitbit to see who’s calling, and that has made a big difference for me.
Hi Jens, Excellent point. A smartwatch can alert us to phone calls, text messages and notifications. If we see something is truly urgent, we can excuse ourselves to deal with it in private instead of checking our phones constantly.
I’m glad the Fit Bit helps keep you informed and that you’re not offended if someone checks their phone in front of you!
Boy, this hit home with me, Carolyn. I love your graphic.
My husband says that people who always check their cell phones have IMBVI: I Must Be VERY Important syndrome.
It wasn’t that long ago that we didn’t have answering machines, voice mail, instant messaging, texting, and cell phones. Believe it or not, if someone called us and we weren’t home, they called back later. If someone far away wanted to contact us, they wrote a letter because long distance was very expensive. If it was an emergency, we sent a telegram. Even when the cost of long distance got lower, I couldn’t call my grandmother because to her, long distance meant bad news and she was too nervous to talk with me.
And you know what? STUFF STILL GOT DONE, EVEN WITHOUT INSTANT COMMUNICATION. Personal relationships flourished. Business made money.
I pretty much hate cell phones, although I do have one for emergencies. Otherwise, I mostly use it for GPS, shopping lists, etc. We were invited to dinner recently, and our hostess got up in the middle of the meal to retrieve her cell phone. I guess she had heard the text message alert, and she proceeded to read it at the table and then show it to her husband. It was like being in the school cafeteria and having a person whisper a secret to her neighbor. It is really rude.
But I’m sure my ranting won’t change anything. I think everyone who purchases a cell phone should be required to take lessons from Miss Manners LOL. I will share this post far and wide!
All the best,
Leslie
Hey Carolyn,
I’m of the belief that there is a time and place for everything.
I’m of the old school way of thinking but I think it’s rude to answer a phone when you’re at a gathering with friends or family members. Now if you get to the gathering and you let them know that you’re expecting a very important call and may have to excuse yourself that’s different.
To me it’s the same thing as being late. It’s just rude and shows disrespect to the people who are waiting on you. Why get together with someone if all they’re going to do is chat with someone else on their phone? Even at a live social event. Can you imagine how that speaker must feel looking into that audience where the majority of them have their head down texting on their phones! Yikes!
That’s just me of course but I can tell by this survey you shared that I’m not alone. I’ve seen that infographic before so that’s where I learned of the different ways other countries treat mobile phone etiquette too.
Great share my dear and you have a wonderful week.
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne, Yes, rude cell phone users have even disrupted shows on Broadway and London’s West End. Both Benedict Cumberbatch and Patti LuPone had their live performances affected by people using cell phones. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/11/arts/benedict-cumberbatch-to-fans-no-cellphones-please.html?_r=0
I hope people begin to realize that people do notice when they pull out their phones and think twice before they decide they just can’t wait to use their phones.
You’re right, if you’re expecting a vitally important call you can let people know ahead of time so they don’t think you’re being rude when you take that call. Some calls really can’t wait!
Yes, really that’s true. Even today i met a girl . She is shouting her boy friend with out thinking about she is in a public spot. Its actually a voice pollution, need to control each by our self. Thank you for showing this.
Hi Rekhilesh, I like that idea: voice pollution. That’s really what it is, isn’t it? Have you ever been riding on a quiet train when someone is talking on the cell phone as if no one can hear? Voice pollution.
We really do need to be aware of using our cell phones in public. Perhaps waiting until we’re alone would be a better choice.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rekhilesh.
ha ha.. that’s nice. 🙂
Hi Carolyn!
While I completely agree that cell phone use of any sort in social situations is rude, I find I am getting used to it. Busy Moms out for lunch or dinner with friends worry about their kids, etc. It doesn’t bother me if they take a quick check and usually it’s quick and we get to relax and keep chatting. One thing I am still so surprised at is when my daughters and friends are together it doesn’t seem a bit rude to them to be checking phones constantly. In fact I believe most of their conversation revolves around what is happening on social media. So the next generation may not view it the same. One last comment. My daughter was hired for a part time job based partly on the fact that she was the only candidate who did not check her phone during the interview!!
Hi Karen, What a great story! You’re right, the Pew Research study showed differences in attitudes toward cell phone usage based on the age of the responders. The younger responders weren’t as bothered by cell phone usage, just like your daughters and their friends.
How wise of your daughter not to check her phone during the interview. That is a lesson we should remember the next time we are tempted to check our phones. We really are leaving an impression whether we realize it or not!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Karen.
Hi Carolyn,
When I’m in public or in a meeting, I don’t pick up my call except it’s highly important, thyen I’ll excuse my self with an apology and step out to answer the phone.
It can be annoying when you are having a meeting with someone and you don’t have the person’s full attention because he/she is fiddling with the phone.
I think we need to observe a little bit of etiquette in this area.
Cheers.
Dan
Hi Dan, You’re not alone. Many people agree with you that we need to be mindful when we pull out our phones in social situations. It can be annoying when someone checks their phone. Many of us do it even though we find it to be rude when someone does it to us.
I hope this study does help to spread awareness of cell phone etiquette around the world. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Dan.
Yes it’s true nice observation done by you. Nowadays smartphone became a part of our life without it every time we feel missing. At every time we carry our smartphone with us. If smartphone rings then we just automatically attracts to our smartphone by leaving our current work. Thanks for your voice on this case.
Cheers,
Rahul
Hi Rahul, You’re right, people take their phones with you everywhere but we shouldn’t be using them everywhere. It’s important to remember that we are not being polite when we use our phones around others.