The estimated reading time for this post is 6 minutes
A study to be published in an upcoming issue of Psychological Science in the Public Interest found that online dating sites are no better at helping you meet your life-long mate than the local pub. That’s bad news for those of you who might be looking for love but the good news is that there’s a site that knows you much better than any online dating service: Facebook.
If you’re looking for love, Facebook might be a great place to start. According to Facebook, the relationship category with the most active users is “Single”.
Current Relationship Status Trends on Facebook*
- 37.4% are “Single”
- 31.0% are “Married”
- 21.6% are “In Relationship”
- 5.2% are “Engaged”
- 2.0% “It’s Complicated”
- 1.2% “Open Relationship”
(*active users with specified status)
Relationship Status Updates in 2011**
Of those who changed their status in 2011, the largest group was “Single”.
- 7.6% updated their status to “Engaged”
- 2.6% updated to “It’s Complicated”
- 20.7% updated to “Married”
- 25.2% updated to “In A Relationship”
- 31.9% updated to “Single”
Okay, there are plenty of single people on Facebook, but how do you meet them?
Here are two stories of people who met their spouses by taking Facebook’s advice and connecting with friends whom Facebook suggested.
Amanda
In December of 2010, Amanda was busy pursuing her dream of being an actress in Los Angeles when Facebook suggested that she become friends with Tim, a former high school classmate. She didn’t really know Tim in high school but took Facebook’s suggestion and added Tim as a friend. The next night, Tim reached out to Amanda through Facebook Chat and began a nine-hour marathon chat session that began at 9 pm and continued until 6 am the next morning. During the chat, Amanda discovered that Tim was a private in the Ohio National Guard and still lived in her hometown. Tim discovered during the chat that he wanted to marry Amanda.
They continued to have Facebook chats and in January 2011, Tim flew Amanda back to Ohio so they could officially meet in person. During that three-week visit, Amanda realized that Tim was the man she wanted to marry.
She returned to California after her visit with Tim and on Valentine’s Day 2011, Tim got word that he would be deployed to Afghanistan in June. He broke the news to Amanda, encouraging her to stay in California to continue pursuing her dream of being an actress. Even though their three-week visit was the only time they had ever been together, Amanda knew that she had to come back immediately to be with Tim.
Tim flew out to California to help her move back to Ohio, packing her belongings in her car and heading cross-country. They stopped in Las Vegas and considered getting married there, but both wanted a more traditional wedding with their friends and families attending.
On April 11, 2011, they married in Ohio and were together until Tim deployed to Afghanistan in June. Before Tim left for his deployment, Amanda became pregnant. After Tim went to Afghanistan they continued to stay in close touch, connecting nearly every day on Facebook chat and on Skype so he could see her growing belly.
When it came time for Amanda to deliver her baby, Tim witnessed the birth of his new daughter, Brooklyn, by using Skype. Brooklyn was two weeks old when Tim was able to return home to Ohio on leave and hold her in his arms for the first time.
Since Tim returned to Afghanistan in December, he has been able to stay in touch with Amanda and Brooklyn through Facebook and Skype. Amanda posts pictures and videos of Brooklyn on Facebook and continues to use Skype and Facebook Chat to connect with Tim. “Thank goodness for technology because we are able to stay in contact every day, except when he goes on a mission,” said Amanda.
Tim is due to finish his deployment in May. Although he will miss being with Brooklyn for the first six months of her life, he and Amanda are grateful that they can stay in close touch through the Internet.
Amanda explained, “I would personally like to thank Facebook for helping me find my husband and the father of my daughter. Facebook has been such a great way for us to keep in touch. Without Facebook, I wouldn’t have my family.”
***********
Patience
Patience was forty-one years old, still single and living in New York City when she received a Facebook friend request from Sam, a fellow graduate of her high school in Connecticut. She immediately remembered Sam, the class clown who was friends with everyone. She added Sam as a friend, doubting that he actually remembered who she was.
Patience had been a shy wallflower twenty-six years earlier in high school when she was a sophomore and Sam was a senior. She recalled a Sadie Hawkins formal dance where she had mustered up the nerve to invite a date, only to have him abandon her at the dance. That night would have left a painful scar on her high school memories if it hadn’t been for Sam, who pulled her onto the dance floor and danced with her for one song. “I felt so great because someone who was such a cool guy was paying attention to me,” Patience explained. Her heart soared as a friend of his took a picture of the two of them after the song was over.
After that dance, Patience and Sam had no contact for over 26 years. During that time, Patience tried online dating and Sam got married and divorced and spent time living abroad. “After about 15 years I just got really tired of dating. I was 41 years old and I was done with dating. I was feeling pretty good about spending the rest of my life by myself, doing my own thing,” she said.
Patience was working in New York City as an editor of romance novels. “I edit romance novels for a living and reading about romance every day kind of killed the idea that I might experience it.”
Then, in August of 2009 Facebook suggested that Sam and Patience become friends. He responded and connected with her on Facebook. He remembered the picture of the two of them from high school, which he had kept through all the years and all of his moves. “For me there were butterflies immediately,” explained Patience. “He was a stranger, but he really wasn’t a stranger. I knew all of his friends and I knew where he came from.”
They began talking one to two hours a day on Skype between her home in New York City and his home, first in Israel and later in Switzerland where he was teaching French for a semester. They continued to chat over Skype for four months.
In December 2009, Sam came to visit Patience in New York. The visit was supposed to last for a week, but instead became a permanent move. After Patience picked Sam up from the airport they didn’t leave each other’s side. “He had a return ticket back overseas but he didn’t use it,” Patience said.
Within a month of landing in New York, Sam had settled in with Patience and landed a teaching job. “I had lived alone for so long and I wasn’t sure how it was going to be living with somebody else, but it was effortless, especially since he cooks,” Patience explained. “He’s still a bit of a class clown and I melt every time he makes me laugh.”
In January 2011 Patience and Sam were married in New York. They celebrated their first wedding anniversary last month.
So if you’re single and looking for romance, pay attention to your Facebook friend suggestions. Who knows? By next Valentine’s Day you may be another Facebook romance success story!
Have you ever reached out to someone Facebook suggested? Have you have made a romantic connection on Facebook? Let us know in the Comments section below!
Hi Carolyn,
I think this could be you most popular post when America finally wakes up! I should do a blog about making you timeline more popular with the opposite sex! I think dating sites are too stressful for people. There has to be an ice breaker when meeting in a bar or pub too and so I’m not surprised that people meeting through Facebook find it easier. Some young people on bikes wanted me to photograph them yesterday and I put their photo on Facebook! I think that will make them popular and legends in their own lunchtime! 🙂
Hi Mike, I agree, Internet dating sites might be very stressful. Most people I know who are married found their spouses when they weren’t looking for them.
When you think about it, Facebook can suggest friends that you already have connections with so they aren’t complete strangers. It helps when you have something or other people in common, it’s not as awkward.
I like your idea of a blog post on how to do a Timeline if you’re looking for love.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Mike! 🙂
Interesting stories Carolyn!
Never really knew there could be so much you could gain from Facebook! I guess it sure works wonders for singles looking for a partner.
Lucky me who is married and with kids! Guess I am nicely tucked away for many more Valentine’s to come, and couldn’t have been more happier- nor asked for anything better than what I have.
Thanks for sharing and wishing you and yours a very Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂
Hi Harleena, You’re right, we who are married and already found our true loves are very lucky. But for those who still might have a place in their hearts for someone special, Facebook may be a great solution!
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Happy Valentine’s Day, Harleena!
I love this Carolyn! I’m such a romantic and love seeing people connect and fall in love. Gives everyone some hope and cheer. Have a good one today. Thanks for the stories.
Hi Betsy, I’m so glad you’re a fellow romantic at heart. These stories are very touching as they show that you never know what the day will hold when you wake up in the morning. Who knows? This may be the day your life changes in an unexpected way.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Betsy!
one of the best post every seen 🙂 Awesome post Carolyn
Thank you very much, Suresh! I am so glad you liked it. The post was a lot of fun to research and write.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Suresh!
Wish you the Same Carolyn..
Carolyn,
Very sweet for the sweet day! I think you said it best of all, responding to Betsy,
“These stories are very touching as they show that you never know what the day will hold when you wake up in the morning. Who knows? This may be the day your life changes in an unexpected way.”
There you go.
That’s somehow irrelevant — you see, I was asked to write a romance short story and I think the plot was becoming somewhat heavy for the few words it was supposed to include.
Then I received notification for your new post and (curious me!) I paid a visit to check it out. It reminded me that a romance story can be very simple and straightforward, and still be touching.
So, the question is: should we stick to advice telling us to close twitter, emails and all social media while working and focusing, or is a little straying good food for inspiration? Hmmm, now that I think of it, I could also consider it a break — something like going for a little (mental) walk.
Time management, inspiration and lite-tech. 🙂
And too many hours on the PC…
Oh, forgot — thank you 🙂
Hi Eleni, I’m so glad this post helped to inspire you. These stories are very touching, just showing that you never know when Cupid will strike!
My personal opinion is when you need inspiration you take breaks and go to other places. When you need concentration, close all the other windows.
Please keep us posted on your romance story!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Eleni! @};-
These are really sweet stories, but I think its not for everyone.You sure do find love in the most unexpected of places 🙂
Hi Adeline, So true. I think many people find love when they’re not looking for it!
Happy Valentine’s Day! @};-
Wonderful stories, Carolyn! Thanks for the lovely Valentine’s Day gift!
Hi Kathy, I’m so glad you enjoyed this stories. I am very grateful to Amanda and Patience for sharing their heart-warming stories and lovely photos with me so I could share them with my readers.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Kathy! @};-
Now that’s a great post for Valentine’s Carolyn. I love hearing happy endings.
I pay attention to who connects with me on Facebook but the majority of them are married which is fine with me. I do get a lot of emails though from guys having fallen madly in love with me after seeing my photo. I’m sorry but with that kind of approach, that’s a totally turn off for me. It calls out desperation to me and I just don’t have time for that.
But I do love to hear everyone else’s success stories so keep them coming. I love it when people find their happy ever after.
Thanks for sharing these wonderful stories with us today Carolyn and Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥
~Adrienne
Hi Adrienne, Thank you, I agree. I just loved the stories of Amanda and Patience meeting their husbands through Facebook. They’re both sweet and wonderful ladies who were very kind to agree to share their good news with The Wonder of Tech.
I can certainly understand why men would fall in love with your beautiful smile, Adrienne, but it’s best to be careful. In both cases in this article, the women went to high school with the men Facebook suggested. But Facebook looks for connections, I don’t believe it suggests complete strangers.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Adrienne! @};-
WoW Carolyn,
I am using Facebook for since last 2 years but can not found even a girl in most of cases boys are cheated me by using fake ids… 🙂 I don’t think its my bad luck
Hi Rizwan, Wow, that’s horrible. Yes, some people do fake their identities on Facebook and elsewhere on the Internet. If you’re connecting with someone new on Facebook, make sure they have friends in common who can vouch for her.
I hope you have a very happy Valentine’s Day anyway, Rizwan! 🙂
Thanks For instruction Carolyn.Happy valentine day and pray for me I found real love from Facebook for next valentine.
You’re welcome, Rizwan, and I hope you find true love very soon! :-bd
Congratulations about appearing on the Philly Inquirer too!
Thanks, Eleni! The Wonder of Tech usually appears in the Your Tech section on Thursdays, but this article was special for Valentine’s Day!
Very interesting stories and it is amazing how FB can pick out such matches and suggest friends to people. It is good it ended up happily and they could share the intricacies with all of us.
Lucky for me, I am happily married with a wonderful daughter and I look no further than them for all my love and affection. Having a family is such a wonderful thing and I have been blessed.
Thanks for sharing the wonderful stories on this day of Love.
Hi Praveen, I agree, Facebook knows us well and can use its powers for the good by suggesting people we might really want to connect with.
I have been happily married to my husband for a long time so I’m not looking for love, but I can see where Facebook would be a good place to look if I were single.
You’re right, having a loving family is a true blessing.
Thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts with us, Praveen. I hope you and your family have a lovely Valentine’s Day! 🙂
Interesting stories indeed; of course, my wife things ‘social’ is just one big dating site anyway. I suppose if that is what you were looking for it could be, but now not only do the ladies not see me, they don’t hear me anymore either; I haven’t had any ‘game’ for quite some time………..what? Whaddya mean I never had game?
Happy Valentine’s Day to ya!
Hey Bill, I don’t know what it would be like to be single in this day and age, but I have to think Facebook might make it seem easier. It’s kind of funny because, according to The Social Network, the site started out as a “hot or not” dating site. It’s come a long way since it started, but perhaps it has never strayed very far from its roots?
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your wise wife! 🙂
Ahhhhh, Carolyn. What a perfect post for Valentine’s Day. The stories of Amanda, Patience and their respective spouses is truly heart warming.
When I first started using fb, because I was “told to” by a “social media exper,t” I accepted all requests. With the passage of time I have learned that is not the right approach for me. Before connecting, I look at the person’s wall to see what they post. Even though sometimes we may have numerous mutual friends, if what I see on the wall is not what I want to see when I visit fb, I do not connect.
Also, if the initial approach does not feel right to me, I pass on the connection.
Though I am not looking for anyone, I do know that if I were single and looking, I would certainly check to see what type of things a date posted or tweeted.
Thanks for the great Valentine’s Day quote.
Do you know Martha Giffen? She posted her love story with her husband on fb today. It’s terrific. Happy Valentine’s Day, Carolyn; you’re a sweetheart. Aloha. Janet
Hi Janet, I haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting Martha Giffen. I will try to stop by her place to read that post.
I know what you mean, I like having connections to people I am friends with on Facebook. Twitter and Google+ are different, less personal than Facebook so it’s easier to connect with strangers.
It sounds as if you, the Natural Networker, could teach the “Social Media Expert” a thing or two about social media, Janet!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and for the touching ecard Janet. I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day! @};-
Hi Carolyn,
I’m such a big ole romantic at heart. Go figure huh? This post really pulled at my heart strings too I was on the verge of tears by the time I begin reading about Patience and Sam. That was a really great read!
While I can’t relate to meeting the love of my life on Facebook; I can say that we met online 5 years ago (well, it’ll be 5 years in April). I thought this post was extremely fitting for Sweetheart’s Day.
I’ve had a few people in my inner circle tell me how risky it is to meet people online. I’ve always thought it’s no more risky than going on a blind date. It’s truly all about taking that leap of faith and giving people a chance. Then realizing that if one has messed up their chance, the next individual is a completely different person, who should not have to pay for the ignorance of the last jerk.
You’ve shared here two awesome examples of what happens when people take a chance on love and allow themselves to be loved.
If an individual was interested in meeting someone respectable, they simply would have to make sure they themselves were in fact in order, and trust their intuition to know that it would not steer them in the direction of OJ Simpson or Jeffery Dahmer. Eek!
Our intuition’s eyes and ears are definitely more intune to what we want, need, and seek then we are at times; so when they need it… they need only to ask intuition for the answer.
“Is this a nutcase?”
“Should I hide my purse?”
“Should we drive separate cars?”
I believe when we ask with an open mind and ears… our intuition will certainly deliver us the answer we need to hear.
Great post! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing it too. <3
Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours, as well. 🙂
Wow, Deeone, you bring up a lot of great points. It’s so true that people can get scammed in the real world as well as in the virtual world. All we can do in both instances is use our best judgment in knowing whom to trust.
Even when we use our best judgment we can still mis-judge people, but that shouldn’t sour us to other connections.
In these stories, the couples had connections previously that Facebook must have detected when it suggested that the couples should be friends. Will Facebook someday evolve to where it can predict happy couples? If it knew that information, would you want to be told who your perfect mate was or would you like to enjoy the path of discovery? I’m thinking the latter.
We may suffer through broken hearts, but we grow through the experience so we can appreciate the right one when we find him or her.
Thank you so much for stopping by and enriching us with your comment, Deeone! I wish you much happiness for Valentine’s Day.
My uncle actually met his now-wife online. They are journalists and were working on an online project with a whole team; it clicked, met, it worked and now they have been married over ten years!
And yes Deeone, I am seriously considering chopping off your fingers! Look at that comment! I love how you have just so much wonderful things to say! 🙂
Blessed to have you around!
Hi Carolyn,
I love hearing the stories of those who found love on Facebook. It just goes to show that you can meet your future spouse anywhere. Thanks so much for sharing these great stories!
Hi Jamella, I agree, these are heartwarming stories that show you can find love when you aren’t even looking for it.
Thanks for stopping by Jamella!
Hey Carolyn.
You just confirmed my family’s worst fears. My family feels that I spend so much time online that I will end up getting married this way and “what if the guy is a serial killer”! It is a little weird what parents actually think about the web. Everyone they feel is out to attack their kids! And my sisters feel I should be using this to find “the one”.
But I feel its a matter of destiny who you meet and how; yes, online services and networking have made it easy and much more accessible to reach people across the web. But who knew it would lead to such wonderful love stories!
Well that makes sense. Since facebook was developed while keeping this aspect of a social network in mind, its not a surprise to me. Though it’s good to know some real life facebook love stories.
Hi Faran, You’re right, it seems as if Facebook has come full circle. It started as a dating sight so maybe it can use its heritage to enhance the lives of others. I’m agree with you, I love hearing about these love stories. 🙂
I have a few friends who have been looking for love using various dating sites. One of them is now living together with the woman he met. I don’t think I have any friends who’ve been using Facebook to find love, at least not officially 🙂
Hi Jens, How people meet has always fascinated me and what’s particularly interesting to me is when people meet their spouses when they weren’t looking for love. Sometimes it’s the unexpected connection that works the best.
To me it makes sense that people, who spend time on Facebook and share their lives, would be able to connect with others there. Who knows? In the future, you might find that some of your friends find their true loves on Facebook! 🙂
the information which you have provided is great, lots of people dont provide such a great information, i am gonna tell all my friends to bookmark this site, hope you update your site regularly by providing such usefull information to the visitors you have. thanks will keep in touch with your posts
Hi Sandipan, I’m glad you find this information helpful to you. Yes, I update The Wonder of Tech quite often. There are many tech developments daily and I am very excited to share great tech with my readers. Thank you for sharing my site with others. New readers are always welcome at The Wonder of Tech!
These sorts of stories fascinate me. Honestly, I read them and a million different questions come to mind. So many good stories could be developed just from the bits and pieces we know.
Hi Jack, Have you ever tried setting up two of your friends? I’ve tried it, but have never been successful at it. Many people avoid setting up their friends because it can lead to hurt feelings. But Facebook looks for people through mutual connections and sometimes those people make a life-long connection. Perhaps Facebook could add an app that connects people who are interested in romantic relationships…
Hi Carolyn,
Actually I have set up friends and had it work…twice. Two marriages and six kids later I look back and smile.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Facebook created some sort of love connection app.
Those two stories were very interesting, there’s no way you can’t smile a little bit when you hear stories like that, its really crazy how many people meet off a social network nowadays.
Hi Terrell, You’re right, but it makes perfect sense that Facebook, a site that has over 800 million users, would be a place where people connect. I’m glad this article put a smile on your face, Terrell.
Online chatting was really exciting. Yeah, lots pf people here in the world got married because of the social media’s and I was like love to hear their story on how they met. Anyway, thanks for sharing this.
Hi Earl, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! I’m so glad you enjoyed these stories. They certainly warmed my heart. It’s nice to think people are re-connecting through Facebook with people who came into their lives previously.
Surprisingly, research by psychologists at Northwestern University and MIT suggests that being too available, let alone desperate for romance, can significantly impact your chances of finding love or dating.
Hi Charlesetta, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! That research makes sense as a lot of people meet their mates when they aren’t looking for love. Thanks for sharing this with us!