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Whether you know it or not, you may be guilty of phubbing. And you probably have been phubbed.
If you have a cell phone you likely have phubbed. If you know anyone with a cell phone, you’ve almost certainly have been phubbed.
What Is Phubbing?
Dictionary.com defines phubbing: “to ignore (a person or one’s surroundings) when in a social situation by busying oneself with a phone or other mobile device.”
Are you guilty of “phubbing” your loved ones? #StopIt https://t.co/dPS6OJTrBy pic.twitter.com/rRHa2hDUoP
— Dictionary.com (@Dictionarycom) April 2, 2018
Why Phubbing Is Bad
Imagine you’re sitting at the dinner table with someone who keeps checking his watch, or is reading the newspaper, or who’s listening to music through headphones. Pretty rude, right?
Ignoring the person you’re with is bad for you and bad for them.
Well, if you’re checking your email, texting or posting on social media when you’re supposed to be engaged in conversation with someone, that has the same effect. The person you’re with feels ignored and you feel less connected to them.
=> Also see, Yes, You’re Annoying People When You’re Using Your Phone
Studies Show How Bad Phubbing Is
If the concept of phubbing seems familiar to you, then you’ve probably been phubbed and/or have done some phubbing to others. Recent studies have consistently shown that phubbing is bad for both people who phub and those who are phubbed by others.
In a study titled, My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners, researchers found that phubbing has a negative impact on relationships, making partners feel less connected to each other, and less satisfied with each other and with life.
Another study, Smartphone use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions found that smart phone use in social situations leads to distraction and causes people to feel less enjoyment from personal interactions.
Although the authors of that study acknowledge that other things could distract people, it recognizes that phones were especially distracting because they “provide access to a virtually infinite array of potential diversions, while being so portable that they are almost always with us, enabling them to easily pervade our social interactions.”
In yet another study that was released last month, The effects of “phubbing” on social interaction, researchers found that “increased phubbing significantly and negatively affected perceived communication quality and relationship satisfaction.”
Why People Phub
Even though you may think this is pure common sense, you may be phubbing without realizing you’re doing it. Many people check their phone automatically, unaware that they’re ignoring the person they’re with.
A free app called Checky tells people how often they check their phone during the day. Often people have no idea how much they actually use their phones during the day and this app can help them realize how often they’re doing it.
=> See The Checky Challenge – How Many Times a Day Do You Check Your Phone?
Or people who phub may have FOMO, a fear of missing out. They may be afraid if they don’t check their phone, they might not see the latest:
- tweet
- Facebook post
- notification
- text message
- Instagram post
- or other breaking news
as soon as it happens…
The Effects of Phubbing
Phubbing can have negative consequences for both the person who phubs and the person who is being phubbed.
Someone who phubs can be perceived as rude, insensitive, uncaring and out of touch. Even a little phubbing can be harmful. The “Smartphone use” study found that “even the moderate levels of phone use we observed are sufficient to create feelings of distraction that undermine the emotional rewards of social interaction.”
The person who is being phubbed can be affected as well. Phubbing can lower a person’s self-esteem and cause depression. The person who is being phubbed can be made to feel as if they don’t matter.
According to an article in Psychology Today, “conversations with no smartphones present are rated as significantly higher in quality than those with smartphones around, regardless of people’s age, ethnicity, gender, or mood.” Phubbing—The #1 Phone Habit to Drop For Better Relationships
However, not everyone is equally bothered by phubbing. Studies have shown that the people most likely to be affected by phubbing are women and older people, while people least likely to be bothered are male and younger. According to the Psychology Today article, “Men differ from women in that they tend to view phone calls as more appropriate in virtually all environments — including, shockingly, intimate settings.”
Ironically, people who are being phubbed often turn to social media to feel more connected. Since they aren’t receiving the full benefits of social connection in real life, people who is phubbed may reach out to online relationships to feel connected. The Psychology Today article states, people “may turn to their own cell phone to distract themselves from the very painful feelings of being socially neglected.”
What You Can Do If You’re Being Phubbed
If you’re being phubbed, point out to the person you’re with that they are phubbing. Be gentle, for they may not realize that they’re phubbing.
If they keep phubbing, you can show them this article. If that still doesn’t work, check out stopphubbing.com, a website dedicated to stopping the practice of phubbing. That site is filled with ways to persuade people to behave better and cure them of their phubbing habit.
Polls
Vote in today’s Wonder of Tech polls:
Do you phub?
Have you been phubbed?
Your Thoughts
Are you guilty of phubbing? Has anyone ever asked you to put away your phone while you were talking to them? Have you ever been phubbed? How did it make you feel? Have you ever asked anyone to put away their phone so you could communicate with them better?
Share your thoughts in the Comments section below!
_______________
*Phubbing at a restaurant image courtesy of Stephen McCulloch via Flickr and Creative Commons
*Phubbing definition image from Wikimedia Commons
*Phubbing statue image from Wikimedia Commons
Wow, Carolyn! There actually is a word in the dictionary for this now! I find that sad. I especially feel sad when I see a parent ignoring a child by – er – phubbing him or her.
I was amazed recently when doing a stock photo search to see that it was nearly impossible to find photos of people who did not have a cell phone in their hands, usually in use.
We hadn’t thought this one through, had we? But it seems we are doing that now. It may be a matter of the novelty of the “toy” wearing off, but articles like this and your polls help to make people more aware of the downside of technology when it is not used consciously.
Lori
Hi Lori, You’re right, it is sad to see a parent ignore a child in favor of a cell phone. But I think most of us, except the very aware, have checked our phones when we should have been engaged with others in real life.
Yes, dictionary.com has defined “phubbing” and so many studies have been done showing it’s a serious problem. 20 years ago this wasn’t a problem and now it is rampant in society. I don’t think phubbing going to go away without people realizing they’re doing it and realizing that it’s harmful to themselves and others…
I have been phubbed by my son ans some if my friends.
I think I have phubbed my parents.
Thank you for this eye-opening article.
Phubbing is not a good thing and I have felt its negative consequences.
I will try not to phubbed others from now on!
Hi Lorraine, You’re not alone. I believe most of us have been phubbed and have done some phubbing to others. But the first step is to become aware that it’s happening and it’s harmful.
That’s great you’re going to try not to phub others, Lorraine. I hope you and your loved ones benefit from better personal connections without phubbing!
Hey, CAROLYN NICANDER MOHR
After reading your post I understand phubbed is very bad in relationships as well as daily life. Thanks for sharing this eye-opening article. Now after reading this, I am not phubbed any single person.
Thanks,
Ariana Andrason
Hi Ariana, I’m glad this article made you more aware of phubbing. So many people don’t even realize they’re phubbing others, though plenty of people are offended when they’re being phubbed. The more attention we can bring to phubbing, the more people will be aware when they’re doing it.
Honestly, this is the first time that I have encountered this word. Now, for the question of whether I am guilty of phubbing? No, I don’t think that I am guilty at all since I don’t take my phone with me whenever I go outside the house.
Hi Paolo, Yes, I wasn’t familiar with the term “phubbing” until I started researching the article, but I sure was familiar with people snubbing others by using their phones.
That’s great that you don’t phub anyone outside of your home, Paolo, though probably a lot of people phub others within their own homes. I’m glad it’s not a problem for you!