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Recently, a father in North Carolina, fed up with his daughter who ranted on Facebook about her parents, posted a video on YouTube in retaliation. The video shows him reading her Facebook post and his frustrated response. He explains that she had previously been grounded for three months as punishment for similar behavior and that she had been warned that the next time she misbehaved the consequences would be more severe.
She tried to keep the post a secret from her parents by blocking the message from their Facebook accounts. But she forgot to block the message from their dog’s Facebook account and her parents discovered the post. (No word on whether the daughter has forgiven her dog for spilling the beans.)
In the video the father explains that the previous day he had spent $130 and many hours upgrading her laptop software and getting her a new battery and power cord. Incensed that she responded by dissing her parents on Facebook, he takes out a revolver and proceeds to shoot the laptop eight times, then announces that she will have to pay him back for his investment in her laptop and the bullets he used to pierce the laptop.
In case you were not one of the 26 million people who watched YouTube Rage Dad shoot his daughter’s laptop, here is the YouTube video:
Did YouTube Rage Dad go too far? Did he go over the line in shooting his daughter’s laptop? Did he exploit his daughter by putting the video on YouTube? Vote in today’s poll and let us know your thoughts.
What do you think of the father’s actions? Could you suggest a better alternative punishment for his daughter? If you don’t agree with the father, can you understand his frustration? Let us know your thoughts in the Comments section below!
* Image by Steve Keys
He wins the worst father of the year award from me. This is just wrong on so many levels, the very least that he used a gun on an innocent computer.
Our daughter used to have temper tantrums, which is what this was, a modern day temper tantrum. We would laugh at her. That really calmed down the situation, although it made her angrier. But this dad needed to de-escalate, not ratchet up the anger and recriminations. And he definitely needs to start acting like a grownup instead of a child!
I noticed a lot of my dog training friends praising this video, but as I pointed out to them, none of them would treat a misbehaving dog that way. They’d ignore the behavior they don’t want, reward what they do want. And never would they try to dominate their dogs, which is exactly what this father is trying to do. (Cesar Milan is just flat wrong about that!)
I can’t even watch this whole thing, frankly. I wish the daughter could be removed and sent to live with a more understanding parent! Perhaps if she’d been raised by a loving parent instead of a showboat, she wouldn’t have been so “spoiled”.
Hi Kathy, You bring up a very interesting point. As a fellow dog lover, I know that you can learn a lot about how to raise kids by learning how to train a dog. Rewards tend to be much more effective, which is why I’m such a big fan of iRewardChart.
Thank you very much for sharing your insights with us.
Carolyn, thank you so much for saying that. But I really am appalled seeing this video. I don’t even know who needs iRewardChart, dad or daughter!
Hi iRewardChart, Good point, maybe they both need your app. The daughter could get a star every time she doesn’t diss her parents on Facebook and the dad could get a star every time he solves an issue without using guns. Win/win!
I do have some sympathy with the Dad. I’m pretty sure my two boys are happy that our UK gun laws preclude me from such activity.
All the same, whenever I’m really frustrated with either of my boys, I just remind myself that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Doesn’t always work – but I try.
Hi Hamish, Yes, as the mum to three teenage daughters, I can certainly understand the frustration the father must have felt. This video probably does a great job of reinforcing the image of America being obsessed with guns.
Yes things happens but how do you stop young people because they have their own freedom.
Hi Bodhost, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! Good point. Although the father shot and destroyed his daughter’s computer, she will still be able to access the Internet and Facebook. Imagine what she could post about her father now.
Amazing video Carolyn!
I did see a lot of this on G+ earlier today, though never went through all of it until now- and I was truly amazed!
Agreed the father or parents must have gone through a great deal when they learnt about the message left for them, but there could have been a better way to deal with the situation. It is a known fact that taking such steps never cures the problem, in-fact it causes a further drift in the relationship or may lead to retaliation.
Yes, it may have been that the father in his fit of anger may have taken this step, which is understandable, as he did mention that such things have been going around for the last few months, guess his patience may have run out.
Nonetheless, parents need to learn to deal with their teenage kids in a more matured way.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Harleena, Interesting points you make in your comment. The father may very well have racheted up the anger by shooting the laptop and posting the video. The ball is in her court now. Will she retaliate? It worries me that there is a gun in the house with so much anger. Was he focusing on trying to set a good example for his child or on teaching her a lesson?
He may have shot the laptop and posted the video in a fit of anger, but it is still up on YouTube after 26 million + hits so I doubt he regrets what he did.
One of the “Other” votes commented that he did it for publicity. Someone on Twitter says that the video is a fake. I hadn’t thought of either of those possibilities. If he did it for publicity, I have contributed to him achieving his goal. I don’t believe it’s a fake, but I have been fooled before.
He should try some love instead of guns.
Well said, Jerry. In a post earlier this week, I wrote about finding love on Facebook. I’m afraid this is the exact opposite.
I can understand his daughter’s behaviour; she obviously learnt it from her parents. It could be the whole environment where she lives with the guns and stupid macho behaviour is to blame. Maybe stupidity gets passed down from generation to generation even? I am glad guns are generally available here in the UK.
Hi Mike, Yes, it would have been quite different if her father had set an example of how to deal with anger that was a bit more positive than negative. One person on The Wonder of Tech Facebook page commented, “Guess there was a legit reason for her to be ranting about her parents…”
Oops, guns are not available generally in the UK! 🙂
Not sure what I think on this. I did see the YouTube video. I do agree that consequences were due. But shooting a laptop? That’s a bit harsh, especially for the innocent laptop! Why not just take it away for a month or three. Make the daughter earn it back. But I’ve also learned not judge another’s actions too harshly as I don’t know how I’d react in a similar situation. Though I can honestly say shooting a laptop would not be one of them! lol
Hi Carol, Good point. I agree, don’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. But he had taken away his daughter’s laptop for three months previously and that didn’t work. Perhaps instead of increasing the punishment, he should look at other ways of dealing with her.
This is a family matter, and I feel it should have been handled in private.
While the daughter may be a spoiled brat, I guess we now know the cause. Her father’s actions do not strike me as mature in any way. He’s now sunk to her level.
In fact, I’d say Rage Dad has done more than that. He tried to steal the show.
It’s sad to say, but neither side is right. Rage Dad wins the Negative Internet Award for Immature Parenting.
Whether he used a gun or a sledgehammer is irrelevant.
Gawd. Take away her laptop, revoke other privileges if you will, but… This is a grown man throwing a tantrum. I don’t know whether to be horrified or amused. I just… I don’t know.
Hi John, He really did steal the show. 26 million hits is quite the viral video. I doubt he ever imagined that his actions would be so widely viewed. His actions definitely weren’t private. If he were frustrated that she was announcing her complaints to the world, he wasn’t very effective at keeping those complaints private. Instead, he certainly helped her cause.
I personally believe a gun is much more intimidating than a sledgehammer. If someone were wielding a sledgehammer I wouldn’t be nearly as afraid as if someone were holding a gun.
I cannot agree with you more! Its as if Dad saw a lot of comments on daughter’s FB post, and wanted to create a viral video showing that he can draw even more attention. Both are attention cravers.
Whatever said and done, its a sad state of parenting.
Interesting. I’m wondering whether there were any comments in reply to the daughter’s post. And what their parents’ reactions were…
Carolyn, aloha. The behavior of the father was appalling, Given his reaction, I don’t imagine her home environment is all that pleasant.
Also, had he not invaded her privacy, he would not have known that she was expressing her frustrations and her feelings to her friends. While she may have talked about certain issues, it’s quite possible they were not the “real” issues which she couldn’t even say to her friends and what she did say was her way of finding release.
In terms of posting the video to youtube, obviously the father missed the memo on Praise in Public, Correct in Private.
And finally, if he wanted to punish his daughter by making her computerless, how much better it would have been to give it to a charity or school rather than trashing it.
Actually, while I could continue, I think you get the message. Will be interested to read what your readers have to say.
How about you, Crolyn, what do you think? Aloha. Janet
Hi Janet, I love your quote, “Praise in public, correct in private.” And I also love your point about how the computer could have been put to good use by donating it to a charity or a school instead of destroying it.
My husband is a musician and he gets upset when he sees people disrespecting musical instruments. I feel similarly when I see people disrespect tech.
You have also inspired a future poll regarding whether parents have a right to read what their children post on Facebook. Very interesting issue.
What I think is fascinating is that the results of this poll so far are very different from a nationwide poll conducted by the Today Show. In that poll 79% of the respondents supported the father’s actions. So far in this poll the majority do not support the father. I look forward to following the results in the days ahead.
Thank you for stopping by today and enlightening us with your comment, Janet!
Carolyn, aloha. That figure from the today show boggles my mind. Was that a call in poll, members or the audience or how did they conduct it?
On another topic, before I drive myself nuts attempting to figure out how to do it, can I buy an app in the iIune store and send it to someone? At quick glance I didn’t see how to do. I prefer to pay and send it to them rather than say buy it and I will reimburse you. Thanks for your help. Aloha. Janet
Hi Janet, The poll is on the Today Show website. Here is the link: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46426636/ns/today-parenting_and_family/t/dr-phil-viewers-weigh-dad-who-shot-laptop/#.T0GR8PEgd1U The percentage who approve of the dad’s actions is down to 72%.
Janet, you just gave me a great idea for a future article. But I won’t make you wait for the answer. First, you need to have an iTunes account. If you don’t have one, you can get one and register either your credit card or an iTunes gift card as payment.
Second, you should have iTunes downloaded onto your computer.
Third, go to the app you want. You can search for the title in the upper right hand corner on the home page.
Underneath the icon on the app page. where the price of the app is listed, there is a drop-down arrow. Click on the arrow and you will see a drop-down menu. The first choice is “Gift This App.” You will need the email address of the recipient.
I hope this helps!
Thx so much for that link. Reading that article was quite an eye opener.
Yeah. Carolyn, I want you to know that when I went to the store and did not see a button that said Gift, I thought I can either spend ages attempting to figure this out or I can ask Carolyn and save myself time and frustration. Mahalo nui loa.
You’re right, the option to gift an app is well-hidden so your question is a great one. I really do want to write an article on this topic. Thanks so much for asking.
WooHoo! Following your instructions I successfully sent an app to my iLife friend. Yipee! Love being able to do this. ((Hugs))
Congratulations, Janet! I’m so glad that worked well for you. Just curious, which app did you send to your friend? 🙂
Love that quote too: “Praise in public, correct in private”. Will remember. My daughter is only 3.5yrs old, but this is a serious warning of our time.
He should definitely deal with this in private.
But, really, I did laugh. Oh, come on, if I was in his place, there would be a part of me fantasizing about shooting the computer & playing a bog joke on the girl.
Nevertheless, the guy only escalates conflict, while the daughter is a teenager, which means she probably will react intensely (one form of reaction is the refusal to participate in the chores) — btw, as he reacts intensely. Like father like daughter?
One great problem is that the example of other spoiled, lazy kids only worsens the situation, of course. Kids this age compete against each other to show that they can defy parental control.
I’d try to find other ways to make clear that I don’t approve of members of the family enjoying privileges without playing their role in the group as well. Understanding & respect are not earned like this.
As for the shooting — I don’t know if I’d take away the computer. Perhaps I would, if this was the cherry on the cake for me; but I would definitely donate it, not destroy it.
Hi Eleni, Yes, as the mother of three teenage girls I agree with you in understanding the father’s frustration. I don’t think I’ve felt as intense frustration as he has, but sure there’s a fantasy of taking a belligerent teenager, saying, “Oh yeah?” and taking it up a notch. Raising teenagers isn’t for the weak.
A friend of mine gave me wise advice right before my girls became teenagers. She told me that teenagers are on a runaway train of emotions. She explained they’re scared of the ride and they want you to get on that train with them. They will do anything to get you on that emotional train. She warned me to stay at the station and “wave as the train goes by.” She told me whatever I do, I need to stay off that train. Only then could I remain the rational adult and convince them to get off of the emotional train.
That father hopped on that emotional train and took over from the engineer. He sped up the train and diverted it to an even more emotional track.
Getting on the train is very tempting but must be avoided at all costs.
WOW! What great advice. Love that analogy of the runaway train and staying in the station instead of jumping on board the train.
Thanks, Janet. I find that analogy works well with people of all ages, not just teenagers. 🙂
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Hi Sandipan, I’m very glad you’re pleased with this blog. I chose the theme because it allows readers to choose their favorite colors for the blog. It’s like having a custom blog for each reader. 🙂
I watched this video a few days ago, and I thought it was a joke or something. At first I thought it was some kids from High School that did a project to see how to make a video go viral, but then I started to think that it might be a big agency behind it. A lot of people have seen this, and it has spread all across the world.
But now it seems that the whole thing is real. And that’s scary.
I would never do anything similar as a father. I understand that kids can write all sorts of stuff online. A few years ago, they would have told their best friends about how much they hated their parents, and that was it. Now they post it online instead, and a lot more people will see it. But it’s really the same behavior at a different time and in a different society. But I believe as parents we should deal with it in the same way. If we find out, we should talk to them about it, and tell them what will (or can) happen if they post stuff like that online.
Hi Jens, There are still people who think this is a fake video, but I doubt it. There would be someone who would have ratted them out by now.
I feel very bad for the family that they have descended into such a state of anger and frustration. Family harmony is vitally important for the peace and happiness of many.
As a pacifist I cannot show any tolerance to the gun-fetishists, although I really know that teens are sometimes really hard to handle. This man seems to be crazy as hell, he should spend more time with their child.
Hi Julie, Good point, it doesn’t seem that whatever he has been doing is working. He should try a new strategy.
Hi Carolyn,
Wow… they need some help. I just wondering, does this cowboy really think she is going to respect him now?
Take care,
Daniel
Hi Daniel, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! I don’t know what he thinks or whether he was really thinking when he shot that video. Respect is different from fear.
Hey Carolyn,
I could only watch this for only a few minutes. I think its too much of a punishment. Children do behave crazy all the time because they are children. He could have done much better , admonished her in private. Instead he took chance and became famous( in a very wrong way) .
I am not sure what will she think of him after this episode. Totally crazy and horrible
Hi Ashvini, Yes, this video is difficult to watch and I also wonder what their family dynamic is now. In this day of reality television here in the US, many people are thrilled to achieve fame, no matter what the cost.
As a parent of teenagers, I try very hard to remember that they are still children so it’s important not to take criticism personally.
I saw this when it first came out and I had mixed emotions.
Kids will be kids and her posting her frustration with her parents is probably what a lot of kids do these days now with having technology being so readily available.
I have to agree with Janet though. I believe that he could have handled that in a much more civilized manner because I have a feeling this is going to cause an even bigger riff between the two. His video may have gotten him millions of views but I don’t believe that was his sole intention.
I would have either sold the laptop and gotten the money back out of it or given it to charity. Shooting it on camera was not the way to show the world that you’re ticked at your kids behavior. You are the parent remember! That just goes back on your parenting skills I’m afraid. I think it was rather childish on both their parts but I’m sure him living in the country, he didn’t think anything of it. It’s that macho man thing!
Hi Adrienne, I agree, I don’t think he expected the video to get nearly as many hits as it has so that probably wasn’t his primary intention in putting it on YouTube.
But I wonder what his daughter will do the next time she is frustrated. Destroying a laptop that still has useful life may give momentary satisfaction, but then you are depriving others who could use the laptop for their studies.
Somehow I think this isn’t the last we’ll hear from this family.
Carolyn, aloha. Didn’t see where I could reply again in our thread thus the new comment.
For the past several years, each Christmas I have given Colleen (iLife) and some other friends this calendar. It has great messages to start the day and some yers the graphics have been incredible. Even though I ordered the calendars they are still not here tough they have been shipped.
In frustration I was looking to see if I could order them once again from someone else. Much to my surprise–though probably not to yours–I found that very same calender on an app. So I sent it to her and will give her the traditional whenever it arrives.
Here’s the link to the app:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/i-can-do-it-2012-calendar/id488818557?mt=8
Interesting by the way how the results of your poll have changed. this has been a very itneresting thread for me to follow.
Best wishes for a terrific week ahead. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Hi Janet, you’re right, now the results of this poll are evenly split for and against the father, though the comments aren’t as evenly balanced. I enjoy seeing the results of my polls as I am almost always surprised by the results.
Thanks for letting us know about the app. I will have to check that one out! 🙂
One has to wonder how he expected her to see the video without a laptop and being grounded until she goes to college! This guy certainly doesn’t seem too bright, I wouldn’t want him dealing with my IT issues if that’s how he handles things!
Hi Mike, Excellent point. I’m thinking she’ll be able to get her hands on a computer somehow and see the video. Her friends could play the video for her on their smartphones. But you’re right, I would be a bit hesitant to hire him for my IT needs!
Oh…my…God. That is crazy. I can understand how a parent would be angry about that, but that is just flat out lunacy. Wow.
Hello, Carolyn
I must say that I really liked this video. Parents should know what their kids are doing on Facebook not just let them do what ever they want. People are complaining because this man shot daughters laptop, the one he probably bought. What’s a big deal?! He at least gave some attention to this global problem and decided to do something about it.
Hi Danijela, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech. I am glad you enjoyed the video. It’s valuable to hear other points of view.
Their dog has a Facebook page? Really??
Love, love, love the picture of the girl doll w the gun on a laptop!
That is one frustrated cigarette puffin’ Daddy. There’s a reason this thing when so viral so quickly. Most everyone can relate, maybe envision different outcomes, but definitely relate.
Hi Iggy, Yes, a lot of people give their pets a Facebook account. Mark Zuckerberg’s dog had a Facebook account, though there is no indication that his dog is friends with the dog in this article.
I’m glad you liked this image. I wasn’t sure I could find an image that worked with this article, but you never know what you’ll find with an image search!
Sorry To Be the Lone “Pro Gun” Person on this one. My now 10 year old daughter is probably alive because of a legal gun I had concealed. While at a stop light in New Orleans, I was confronted by several young kids attempting to carjack the car, while my then 1 yr old was strapped into a car seat in the back. This is more about ignorance of a Father in handing out discipline than a Gun.
Hi Real Estate, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! No apologies necessary. We welcome different points of view here. I have been surprised at how one-sided the comments have been as the votes have been more divided. Thank you for sharing your opinion with us.
I am very sorry that experience happened to you. As with most weapons, the value of guns varies tremendously depending upon who is using them.
There is so much good discussion here, I got to repost this just for people to read the comments. I quote Gandhi, ‘an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind’. Rage isn’t answer for rage. It just makes it worse.
Of course …. unless this is fake (which isn’t impossible, remember the flying balloon with the kid in it?)
Good point, this could be a hoax. But I’m thinking someone would have “outed” them by now. My question to you, iRewardChart: if you discovered this was all a hoax, would you feel better about this situation or worse?
Thank you for sharing this. I agree, the comments are enriching.
That video and whole family situation seems so odd to me. If I was the daughter, I wouldn’t go to my parents with issues either.
As a parent, I can see where his anger and embarrassment stemmed from. However, I think he failed a very crucial test of his parenthood in teaching his daughter how to respond to criticism and how to be mature in difficult times.
I find it ironic that he shot a laptop that he bought his daughter after claiming that she is spoiled.
Instead of punishing a 15 year old for disobeying parental orders, why not revoke unsupervised internet access? After all, does a teenager NEED a Face Book page? Or her own laptop?
The fact that the daughter’s letter was leaked by the family dog’s page is the only funny part of the whole thing, in my opinion.
Hi Laura, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! You have a very interesting point. If his daughter is spoiled, well then who spoiled her?
I’m hoping the daughter doesn’t need the laptop for schoolwork because she doesn’t have one now.
As to whether teenagers need a Facebook page, I imagine that they would survive without Facebook, but I’m sure plenty of teenager would disagree with me (including some who live in my home).
I like your idea of revoking unsupervised Internet access. That makes a lot of sense. 🙂
Ok, I’m going to address a couple points on here. After reading only part way down the comments, I was first disturbed by the statement that Americans are obsessed with guns, which is absolutely a false statement. Americans simply have the freedom to own them. Therefore, they are used for hunting/sport AND protection from the criminals who also have guns. Now, I agree the daughter was over the top with her post. I also believe dad was equally over the top and then some. I’d expect more maturity from an adult but none-the-less, if this is the worst thing to happen to her o Ed her disrespect, I’m sure she’ll live. The comment about fear over a “gun in the house with so much anger”…well, that’s silly. He may be frustrated even infuriated, but that doesn’t make him psychotic and a potential killer. I think the dad was caught off guard, allowed himself to lash out in return and showed the world. We all make mistakes as parents., we just don’t have the world voting on whether we did it right or not. I think the gun statements need to be left to another section. Just my thoughts.
Hi Dorenna, Welcome to The Wonder of Tech! Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with us. We welcome all points of view here at The Wonder of Tech.
I will address your concerns as the comments you refer to are mine. I didn’t say Americans are obsessed with guns, I said there is an image that Americans are obsessed with guns. I recently lived overseas for nearly four years and have traveled extensively outside the US and there is a perception in many countries that the US is obsessed with guns. As an American, I don’t think we’re obsessed with guns, but I do think that guns are a larger part of our culture than they are in many other countries.
There are many benefits to having/owning guns, as another commenter stated. But when guns are in a house where there is a lot of anger, I do get concerned. I’m not saying that anyone is psychotic or a potential killer, I was more concerned about accidents and emotions getting out of hand.
You’re right, no one is a perfect parent and I wouldn’t want the world voting on my parenting skills. But by putting this video on YouTube and keeping the video there with nearly 30 million hits by now, the father put his family’s quarrels in social media for all to see and comment upon.
I greatly appreciate your thoughts, Dorenna, as well as your taking the time to share your thoughts with us in your comment.